Silence + Compliance = "Good"

Last night I had an interesting experience. My roommates and I were watching the 6 month old son of a friend so that she and her husband could go on a date. I'm sure to a third party observer it is entertaining to watch six college age girls forget everything, school, boyfriends, homework, callings, etc and become completely consumed by a cute baby. During the course of the night an acquaintance of my roommate came over to work on a school assignment. While observing the behavior of the baby she made the statement. "He is such a good baby. You can just tell that some babies are much better than others". In light of all I am learning through my family and parenting classes this semester, I almost chocked on my hot chocolate because of the shock. Let me explain.

What is it about our society that suggests that an infant who is silent and agreeable is a "good" person. They are perceived to be of higher moral fiber than a child who is more demanding or vocal. . This to me suggests an unconscious value assumption that what constitutes as "good" is simply compliance with the wishes of adults. Heaven forbid a baby cry, how dare they (heavy sarcasm). Is a child with a different temperament, who has a lower sensory threshold or who is slower to adjust to new situation, a worse baby than the quiet ones? By who's standard? And does this mean that this child is going to turn out to be a bad person? Do you see the disconnect here...what adults have come to describe as a "good baby" in reality means an obedient, mellow baby. A "bad baby" is one that doesn't simply fit into the schedule of the adult but that requires the adult to adjust to the needs of the child.

Author Alfie Kohn writes the following on the subject: "I realized that this is what many people in our society seem to want most from children: not that they are caring or creative or curious, but simply that they are well behaved. A "good" child - from infancy to adolescence- is one who isn't too much trouble to us grown-ups."

Now, why this is important to us. Assuming that a child will be treated based upon whether they are perceived as well behaved or not, this baby certainly was by the women mentioned above, the love the child receives is directly proportional to their level of compliance. Most would say it is easier to love and help a baby who is calm and agreeable than one who is more dependent or vocal about their needs. Wouldn't you argue that this is natural? But as Brother Williams, my family relations professor states, we aren't striving for the natural man, we are seeking for something divine. It is natural to associate an easy temperament with a "good" child. It is divine to learn from a more challenging child and learn from their goodness.

To the woman mentioned above I submit that babies are all good. They have just come from our Heavenly Father and have a lot less of the natural man in them than we do. A silent child does not equal indication of a good human being. I suggest a change in our thinking. A value judgment of what makes a child "good" should not be synonymous with "easy".