Recently in my family studies I have been interested in the philosophy of rewards and punishments. This is often how we look at life isn't it? Rewards and punishments. Pros and cons. Costs and rewards. In fact Exchange Theory holds that in all relationships we weigh costs and rewards. If a relationship costs us more than it consistently rewards then we will break that relationship according to exchange theorists. So what do these Skinnerian principles have to do with families?

Parents, isn't it easier to teach your children by bribing with shiny stickers and colorfully coated candy? Isn't this consistent with the behaviorism that is so ingrained in our society. Does this not sound like exchange theory, parents trying to get the greatest rewards (children behaving in x way) for the fewest costs ("I'm tired, you be quiet and I'll give you a cookie").

I'm not trying to degrade any parenting style. I don't have children and truly respect those who do. Parenting and family relationships are difficult and complex. No one has it figured out aside from our perfect Heavenly Father. But maybe there is a way to focus on who children are and not just what we want them to do. Maybe we can get children to want to do good things for the sake of doing them and not for an Oreo cookie.

 Author Alfie Kohn offers a contrasting opinion to the behaviorist parenting we have all been raised with. He states, "There are pragmatic as well as moral reasons to focus on long-term goals rather than on immediate compliance, to consider what our children need rather than just what we're demanding and to see the whole child rather than just the behavior".

Interesting perspective. What would be the result if the next time your child threw a tantrum in the supermarket you didn't follow B.F. Skinner's principles with pigeons. Instead of teaching your child tantrum+public setting=no dinner or being quiet=a big cookie, try something else. Let's experiment this week.  Good luck!