Babies, Prom Dresses, and Broken Dreams

I come from the state with the highest rate of teenage pregnancy according to a survey a few years ago. My county has the highest teen pregnancy rate per ca pitta for the state. So yep do the math there and I was raised in a place where teen pregnancy is very common. Walking through the halls of my high school was an interesting experience. There were girls who skipped out on gym class because they were days away from labor, some who were happily on their third child, some who were swapping prenatal vitamins at lunch, and those who made their cheer leading coach act as part time babysitter during practices. It was discussed in the back of classrooms and in the halls, it was everywhere. Each year as the captain of my high school dance team I lost a girl or two because of unwanted pregnancies. Arguably the most public display of the teen pregnancy that plagued our town was at senior prom years ago. Several teen moms asked our principle if at grand march they could dress up their babies and walk with them down the isles. The poor principle said no and had to deal with the wrath of several pregnant hormonal teenagers. One girl said something to the effect, "But she will look so cute with my dress". Wow. When did a human life become noting more than an accessory for a prom dress.

This is the topic I would like to shed some family science research on today: teen pregnancy. As someone who has witnessed this and is very familiar with it, I understand it is a difficult topic for many. I would like to offer some advice that researchers Barbra Dafoe Whitehead and Marline Pearson from their paper "Making a Love Connection: Teen Relationships, Pregnancy, and Marriage". These women offer the following insight in how to prevent teen pregnancy in our homes and communities:

"It is clear that we need to look beyond the goal of managing
the health risks of sex to the goal of building
healthy relationships. We should help teens craft a positive
vision for their future relationships and family life
and help young people understand that the sequencing
of major life events—getting an education, getting married,
then having children—greatly increases the chances
for a positive future. We must also enlist and support
parents as teens’ first and most effective teachers."

It is evident, at least in my home town, that sex education programs are not very effective. Simply warning against the dangers and advocating safe sex is not changing behavior. What will do this in a much more successful way is to teach the value of healthy relationships. Teach about child development and how your baby needs a lot more from you than to be a cute accessory in your high school days. Teach what the research shows is a good foundation for family success and intimate relationships. I submit that we need to teach to a higher level. It is no longer enough to say to our teens avoid sex because you will get an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. They aren't avoiding sex and those consequences are frequent. We must teach about what will bring true happiness and success. Help your teenager realize their dreams and then help them see how to get there. There is a sequence of life events that will lead to optimum success and fulfillment.

My call to parents is to teach your child. If you don't someone else will, and do you really want that? Don't just teach birth control, teach the beauty of waiting. Don't just teach contraceptives, teach commitment. Don't just teach satisfying what you want at the moment, teach planning for what you want most. Don't sit back and watch as teen pregnancy becomes ruined relationships and broken dreams.