Today I would like to offer some thoughts on a very difficult and emotionally charged subject; same gender attraction. I would like to add to all of the media buzz out there some scientific studies, personal insights, and religious perspectives. I hope to not offend anyone who might come in contact with this. The message I would like to present today is one of hope, help, and healing to any who struggle with unwanted feelings of same gender attraction.

Haven't the media been pushing upon society that same sex attraction is purely biological, "born that way" so to speak. In my family relations course we have been reviewing the research and finding something very interesting; this doesn't seem to be the case. I am going to summarize the research on same-gender attraction conducted by Daryl Bem, professor at Cornell University.

Bem explains that some children come with gender role orientation that is somewhere in between the norm. Let's look at this in the case of males. Some boys like atypical gender behaviors, they like "girl" things. This isn't a deficit, there is nothing wrong with different temperaments. As soon as elementary school, 2nd and 3rd grade these children are labeled as "gay". They are isolated from their same gender peers and labeled as a "fag". At such a young age children feel that there is something wrong with them, they are not accepted.

Next this child begins to reach adolescents and the age where boys start to notice maybe girls don't smell so weird and girls realize maybe boys aren't so gross. Adolescents start to look at the other group that they didn't associate with as much. This is very interesting. The boy who has never felt accepted by other boys his age starts to wish that the guys in his class thought he was cool and masculine and heroic. He has spent more time with girls and is looking toward the group of guys wishing they would accept him like they never have. This is not a question of developing sexuality, but rather of intimacy, they just want to feel understood and accepted.

This leads to great confusion Bem explains. In a society where these boys have been labeled and socialized to be "gay" they wonder if they are. Because of the mislabeling of others they change their mind about themselves. What ends up tipping the scale often for a male who is struggling with this dilemma is when these concerns are acted upon. They suspect they might be a homosexual, they have been told this their whole life, they experiment a little bit, their body responds to some form of sexual stimulation and then they reach the heartbreaking conclusion..."I must have been this way all along and never knew it."

Don't take my word for it, examine the research. Here is the link to Bem's work.

http://dbem.ws/Exotic%20Becomes%20Erotic.pdf

Now. Let me add a few thoughts on this subject that is deeply personal to many of us. Can I first illuminate that there is nothing wrong with a boy who has qualities that are considered largely feminine; they would rather build things than break them and listen to emotions of others than make engine sounds. They exhibit kindness, sensitivity, compassion, and nurturing. What man do we know of who has these same qualities?... Jesus Christ. If you are wondering what true manhood is look to the Savior of the world. What an intricate plan of the Devil to take young boys with these traits, who would make excellent fathers one day, and take them out of the running for the role of fatherhood while they are children. This is terrible; this is heartbreaking.

To any and all who may be struggling with feelings of same gender attraction and encounter this message I speak directly to you. You are not broken. Our loving Heavenly Father would not set you up for failure in this life and make you miss out on the blessings of eternity. You are not broken. In the LDS edited book "Understanding Same Sex Attraction" (I highly recommend it, http://deseretbook.com/Understanding-Same-Sex-Attraction-Where-Turn-How-Help-LDS-Edition-Various/i/5028657 ) it has sources you can go to for help. It reported that many clients of therapy reported the following positive impacts, "They included prayer, scripture study, faith, forgiveness, and a full commitment to the healing power of God". Regardless of whether or not you share my faith, to Christian people everywhere, believe in the healing power of God and the atonement of His son Jesus Christ to help you. While your struggles are real, the master physician, counselor, teacher, and friend is also real. He will support, assist, and love you. There is hope. There is available help. There can be healing in your heart.